InsaneJournal

who Avegory
what job opportunities
where Natural History Museum, Wash. DC
when Sunday



There was a strange sort of calm for Avery now they were back in DC and out of Boston. The wind kept most people at home, and the Mall was relatively void of visitors save for obsessive joggers and people who obviously worked there. The museums too were uncrowded, and save for a few clusters of children and parents, it was almost as if they had the place to themselves. Avery liked organization, and she was hoping to start at one point and work their way around, but Maddie'd run straight into the mammal hall, where the ambience consisted of violent thunderstorms every four minutes, not unlike the Rainforest Cafe. Avery's coat was unbuttoned and slung over her arm as she walked. If it had been just her and Maddie, she would've been right beside the girl, pointing out things, pressing the buttons on the interactive question screens, everything an attentive mother would've been doing. Some people might've mistake the pair for mother and daughter, as seventeen year olds were constantly bearing children. But Greg was there, and there was no mistaking Greg and Maddie as related, because they looked so very similar, and Avery was sort of the odd one out, old enough to be Maddie's mother, young enough to be Greg's daughter. So she trailed behind Maddie, walking slowly next to Greg, her heels clicking on the tiles beneath their feet. She expected something to come of this trip, it was somewhere their affection couldn't get in the way, and if he wanted to discuss something important, he would say, so she kept her gaze on Maddie as she knelt to examine giraffe toes and then looked up to find the stuffed leopard lounging above the exhibit.

Gregory wasn’t the biggest fan of the Natural History museum. At Maddie’s age, he would have preferred something with Science, where he could get his hands dirty and play with things. Of course, the place did cater to children and had its little exhibits, but it wasn’t the same. Everything was stuffed and immobile in his eyes. An elephant? A leopard? They could go to Africa or the zoo and see the creatures alive. Still, it was something to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon and while he had originally wanted to go to the park, the weather had quickly put a stop to that. How could he argue with his daughter’s request, then, to go to the NHM? Without the crowds, it wasn’t the best place for an intimate conversation, and yet when Avery stood, Greg took her arm and guided her back towards him, his eyes on Maddie the whole time. “I’ve been asking around the Hill to see who needs a nanny.” It wasn’t the most subtle way to get into the conversation, but it was certainly effective. They needed to talk about this eventually, and here where they had to act professional was perhaps the best place to have a professional conversation.

Avery took a deep but subtle breath, her arms folded in front of her. This would probably be one of the most complicated conversations she would ever have. Between telling him the truth and keeping things professional, it would be monumentally difficult. She didn't think, of course, that she was being fired, and it was perfectly reasonable not to want to sleep with the hired help. Avery herself was remarkably uncomfortable with receiving her paychecks since they'd started sleeping together. It would be within the next half an hour or so that their intents would be revealed, that the extent to which he wanted to carry this would become obvious. She didn't want another job. She liked taking care of Greg and Maddie. And at the same time she knew that because of her actions, things had to change. She was not a creature of regret, and yet, while looking at Maddie, relatively ignorant of the turmoil brewing in her wake, she thought if taking back everything she'd said to Greg meant she was able to stay on and look after his sweet little girl, she would gladly recant every word. "Oh." She said, biting her lip. "And?"

There was no easy way to go about any of this, and there was no way not to reveal his intentions and feelings while talking about it either. If it had been a regular conversation, Gregory would have avoided it all together, at least for another year or so. As it was, though, he couldn’t find any other way around it. He hadn’t slept the night before for all his thinking, hadn’t even been able to eat dinner and just picked at his brunch. Could she appreciate that, seeing that lack of sleep on his face? Still, his voice was casual when he spoke, just as calm as if they were having a regular conversation. “There are a few positions open. The whole legality of the nanny scandal has shaken a few people up.” For a moment after, Gregory just stayed quiet, watching Maddie. The girl had no clue about what this conversation meant, and in a way it was heartbreaking. This very conversation could decide her very future, and yet there she was, playing away in front of them as if nothing was happening. Hell, in her eyes, nothing WAS happening. “I know that it’s rather early to offer something like this, but I…I could always support you.” Meaning she could stick around without a salary and more or less live off him. In any other situation, it would have meant asking her to move in. As it was…Well, she was already moved in, wasn’t it? There would be no real difference, if one thought about it. Perhaps that, then, was why he was so comfortable with suggesting it.

Weren't the best nannies British? Mrs. Doubtfire? Mary fucking Poppins? She chewed on the inside of her lip as she watched Maddie. And then he said...what? She turned to him, her brow furrowed. That would mean that they were...you know...dating. Was that the word? In a way this was what she'd wanted, she'd wanted desperately not to be separated from Maddie, not be apart from Greg, definitely not have to look after some other kid. But she didn't want to fuck herself over in the long run with this; she was young, she was talented, she had years of school behind her and aspirations ahead of her, did she really want to be essentially a stay-at-home mother? And what if things didn't work out? Would she go to her next employer with however many years of 'unemployed' on her resume? How the hell would she explain something like that? She was not a risk taker. She was not a spur of the moment kind of girl. Which was what made this whole operation so uncharacteristic. She shook her head very slightly. "Is that what you want?" If that was what he wanted, if that was what he honestly thought was best for him and Maddie, then fine. But if he was doing it to sate her, to keep her around, then she had to think twice.

“I don’t want to lose you as a nanny. You’re…Well, honestly, Maddie knows you more than she knew her own mom. She’s comfortable with you. I can’t imagine you leaving being anything other than devastating.” Gregory was more casual than usual in jeans and a sweater, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. “But.” Of course there was a but. For a second, however, he couldn’t continue. But what? But he didn’t want to lose her as a lover either. That was what he wanted to say and yet it wasn’t coming out. It would be easier to just say they should stop seeing each other, that it was great and fun but they had to be professional adults and it was best for everyone if they just took a different path. For a moment, he just chewed on his lower lip, his eyes watching Madison. If he was a good father, a selfless one, he would just stop all of this. He would keep Avery on and let her do her job. “But I don’t think we can continue our relationship if we are involved professionally as well.” There. It didn’t give much of an opinion behind it. It was only once he looked over at her that he realized he couldn’t leave it at that. It wasn’t fair to him, and it certainly wasn’t fair to her to make her decide without knowing all the facts. “I think it would be a pity to give that up.”

Her gaze was even as he spoke, her face void of reaction. Truthfully, she hadn't let him in. Not yet. It would be easier if they were no longer under contract to each other. She would have less to lose. And it would be harder, also, having seen him like she had, knowing what she did, about Nicole. When he finished, she looked at the ground, grinding the toe of her heel into the tile. "If you're still paying me, I can't sleep with you," she agreed softly. She shook her head again, her hand itching to take his, to do something. But then she looked up, looked at Maddie. She was bigger every day. She was eight. Soon, when she was thirteen, fourteen, she would be able to make her own sandwiches and walk herself to school. She would be driving at fifteen and six months. She would be buying cigarettes at eighteen. Alright, maybe not that last one, but Avery would really only be needed like she had been, that full time situation, that could only last another five years. And in five years, Avery would be thirty. There was still plenty of time for politics, for international renown and influence. What Avery realized, when she was looking at the little girl, not even at her father, was where her priorities lay, and they lay in Maddie. It was more important to keep that little girl happy and healthy. Would she regret it from a career standpoint? Quite possibly. But she wouldn't ever regret it in her heart. She turned to Greg, putting a hand lightly on his lower back. "I quit,"

With a quiet nod, Gregory moved away from Avery and to Madison. Silently, he put his hand on his daughter’s shoulder and listened to her as she told him all of what she had just learned. He was attentive, even though his mind was elsewhere. Hell, he even managed to ask her a few questions that he knew she’d be able to answer but that would challenge her just enough. To make it worse, the questions were posed in French. Soon, however, the two were bantering back and forth in the language. Most of it was elementary stuff, things that were easy to talk about with an under-developed vocabulary. It was only when Maddie went to run off to the next exhibit that Gregory returned to Avery. “There’s a job waiting for you in Representative Boehner’s office if you want. It doesn’t pay very well, but it’s during the week and while Madison is at school. It’d be below you. Paperwork and maybe a little organization but you wouldn’t exactly be his personal secretary like you’ve been for me.” With his hands slipping back into his pockets, he glanced back over to her. “Still, I think it’d be a good opportunity for when you step into something more political. And it’ll look good on your resume instead of…Well. Instead of having nothing there.” He had thought out all the avenues with this, really.. He had made the calls and emails and talked to people and then plotted it all out in his head. If that didn’t prove something, well. He didn’t know what would.

Maddie's appearance allowed Avery to take a deep breath and watch the pair banter in French. Avery was not used to allowing herself happiness; she had put herself in a situation where her hard work didn't directly affect her. She hadn't always been subconsciously masochistic when it came to that sort of thing, she was just work-oriented. She hadn't allowed herself something truly great since her mother had committed suicide, as happiness somehow meant lack of work, which meant boredom, which meant time to think, and Avery didn't want to think about her mother. Which was probably along the same lines as why Greg needed a nanny after Nicole died; he could've taken off work and looked after Maddie by himself, but the constant responsibility was soothing, in a way, to Avery. Watching Maddie and Greg converse in French gave Avery and unsettling feeling of contentment, of pride. And then the little girl was away, towards the movie theatre in the back of the museum, to the marsupials and arctic animals. Avery came back to Greg's side, still chewing on her lip. Her eyes followed Maddie as Greg spoke before she turned to him, smiling. The fact that he'd thought through it, thought about her future, wasn't being selfish...Well, that was Greg, wasn't it? She wouldn't have expected anything else. He might've been a jerk sometimes, but he was amazing, really, when it came down to it. Was that why she loved him? "Thank you," she said softly, her smile genuine, the light in her eyes one of happiness. There was trepidation in her voice, and a slight unsureness, but she meant what she said and she was going to take the leap. She glanced at Maddie, who was examining an array of small skeletons. "Can I hug you?"

She wanted to know if she could give him a hug. It was then that he realized he hadn’t thought it all through. People would get wind of someone else being on Boehner’s staff. People would also figure out who that person was. Gregory had to turn in all of his expenses, and that meant putting out who was on his payroll. People would put two and two together and realize that Avery was no longer working for Gregory and yet she was taking care of his child and living in his house. A young, pretty ex-nanny living with a successful older senator? It would be nothing short of a scandal. Never mind about a public hug someone got wind of, it was going to be so much worse. This was headline on CNN; this was the cover of the Post. This was paparazzi and awkward questions and Maddie getting very much involved. How long would it be before they figured it out? Would it be weeks? Months? Would their relationship be strong enough to handle it? Would Madison? All of this ran through his head within a matter of seconds, his face never once betraying him. He showed no worry, no doubt, just a twitch of one corner of his lips upwards. “I think perhaps we should put off making this public for as long as possible.” Even a hug would be too much. All it would take was one person seeing them, telling a friend who had a friend who was a democrat or a journalist and suddenly the digging would start. Still, Gregory reached over, silently took her hand, and squeezed it for a moment before he let his hand drop back to his side.

Avery'd thought about it. She had, really. It had been four years since she'd begun working for Greg, four years, she'd been twenty-one when she started, and he'd been barely forty, and Nicole had been dead this whole time. Why was it so horrible for a relationship to come from their situation? She spent all her time at his house, he spent all his time at the office, neither of them dated, he depended on her, she relied on him. It was practically a marriage already. Besides, it wouldn't do at all for her to be seen to obtain the position in Boehner's office because she'd been sleeping with a Senator, which was partly why she was fine with just taking work off. That way it would appear as it really was, a woman taking care of her boyfriend's child because she cared about them both, rather than her trying to bypass the career ladder by sleeping around. So she understood, and there were more important things than being able to thank him properly. After all, it wasn't often that they went out like this, they had plenty of time at home for her to hug him. She nodded when he denied her, and was impressed by his presence of mind. Not that she would've expected anything less from him. The hand gesture was therefore equal parts bitter and sweet, and she ventured on after Maddie as soon as he let her hand go. "So what should we tell Madison?" she asked softly. Eight year olds were old enough to keep secrets, if she knew it was one. If Greg wanted her to know, that was. Avery knew little girls in general better than Greg, but in some ways, she was still just the nanny when it came to Madison, and Greg would always be her father. "If you want to tell her at all, I mean,"

“If you don’t mind, I’d really like to set her down myself. I...” One hand came up as he paused, pushing back through his short hair. “I want to see how she’d feel about Dad seeing someone in general. Then perhaps we can both sit down with her and see how she feels about …Well, about us.” Funny, really, that he was putting that off. After all, it would be the defining factor in if their relationship went forward. Gregory couldn’t imagine staying with Avery if Madison didn’t even want him dating. Then again…Well, would he? At the moment, he liked to think that he’d put his daughter’s thoughts and wishes first. However, how much of that was really true? How much would he actually value the opinion and how much would he put down to girlish insecurities? Of course she wouldn’t want to share her father, but it wasn’t like he could just live the rest of his life single simply because Madison had a case of jealousy. If there was one thing Gregory had learned in all of this, it was that he couldn’t live the rest of his life single. He couldn’t do this without companionship. He couldn’t stay lonely and isolated. While he loved Madison very much and he was sure Madison loved him as well, there was just some things he needed from another person, and it would be years upon years of solitude if he were to choose to stay single. “What do you think?” If marriage had taught Gregory one thing, it was that a relationship was about two people. He wasn’t about to start one without including her.

Avery crossed her arms as she watched Maddie read the plaques under each figure. She did not want to hurt that little girl. Not now, not ever. But in her mind? It was possibly the best time to introduce someone new. Her mother had been gone for four years, and Greg had been entirely faithful (well...until very recently) to her memory and to Maddie's potential feelings. But Avery doubted that Greg had ever talked to Madison about him dating again, because she was so young, but now she was old enough to understand if they chose to explain things to her, and surely she was old enough to have lost some of that selfishness all children had. "I'd like to say because it's me she'd be alright with it," Avery said, glancing back at Greg. "I'm the one she's going to hate, anyway," eventually, it was inevitable. Whether it came now with this new relationship or in another four years when Madison hit puberty, Avery would be on the receiving end of hatred one way or another. She felt sure of it. A hand came up to tuck stray hair behind her ears. From a casual observer's point of view, they could've been discussing anything. Maddie's potential Latin classes. Hardwood floors. The effect of the stimulus bill. Giraffe toes. She was grateful to such an innocuous setting for this discussion, despite her request for a hug, professionalism was required and therefore given. "I think you should ask her. Her life is so interesting that she might not even care enough to tell you so," she shrugged. Eight year olds were not famed for their concern for others. It would either be saving selfishness, where she would not care, or saving selflessness, in which case her father's potential happiness would override whatever jealousy would arise. She was a smart little girl, and Avery had assured her often that her father loved her, and Maddie had always nodded happily when reminded of the fact.

“Oh, shut up, she’s never going to hate you. I’m the one that has to end up saying no to her.” True story. Avery could always say no, but then Madison could always go to Dad. Gregory would always be the last stop, and therefore always be the bad guy. Besides, when he started to be the one scaring away all of her dates, Madison would really start to hate her. There was no way Avery could ever inspire the same amount of fear Gregory could into the heart of a young man, not even if she tried. “Maybe I’ll give her one more week.” One more week to be a child, to be ignorant and happy and without any sort of worry about what Gregory was doing. He wanted to kiss Avery right then, to take her hand, to put his arm around her and kiss her cheek. He wanted Madison to know and be okay with it, for them all to be happy. Life, however, was never a fairytale, and instead of doing what he truly wanted, Gregory moved away from Avery and reemerged himself into his daughter’s world, his French flowing out once more.